February 19th, 1989

February 19th, 1989

At home

In the early hours of this morning I woke up in the best way possible with Ben crawling into bed beside me. Our bodies instinctively wrapped themselves around each other like vines and we kissed until the sound of the alarm intruded into our little world of bliss.

I got dressed while Ben was in the shower then crept downstairs. I filled the tea kettle with water and put two slices of bread in the toaster. Before the water had a chance to boil, I started sobbing.

Ben came into the kitchen and opened his arms to me. I burrowed into him and couldn’t stop crying. I heard the sound of the toast popping. Without completely letting go of me, Ben buttered the toast and I made a mug of tea. We stood together, sharing the tea and toast.

“The taxi will be here in five minutes. Are you ready to go home or do you want to stay here?”

“I want to go home,” I sniffed.

“Ok, I’ll get the taxi driver to drop you off.”

“No, I want to walk home.”

“It’s still dark. Why don’t you go back to bed?”

“I won’t be able to sleep. I’ll wait here until it gets light.”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded my head yes.

“I’ll ring you as soon as I can.”

“Ring me from the airport.”

“I will.”

“I love you so much. This feels awful.”

“I know. But it’s not forever. Right?”


“Good luck with everything tomorrow.”

“If I get kicked off the course you’ll see me in Italy tomorrow night.”

“You’re not getting kicked off the course, don’t worry about it.”

Ben left in the taxi and I sat in the kitchen, waiting for the sun to come up.














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