March 20th, 1989

March 20th, 1989

At home

Spoke to Ben for two hours last night and didn’t get to bed until one, then a few hours later I woke up crying, from a horrible dream. With my eyes still shut, I fingered the dampness on my cheeks and when I turned on the lamp, I could see the spots on the pillowcase where I’d been crying.

The dream still felt fresh and vivid and I tried to put it out of my mind but when I turned off the lamp, in the hopes of going back to sleep, I started reliving the dream. Ben and I were in a lush forest and he kept running away from me and hiding behind trees. Each time I located him we’d kiss, but after a while I could no longer find him. I kept running and calling out his name in the dark, but I never saw him again.

There was no way I could go back to sleep after that, so I got up and went downstairs. When Dad got up for work, he looked surprised to find me writing at the kitchen table.

“Can ye no sleep hen? Is it jetlag?”
“No, the time difference in Israel was only two hours. I had a bad dream.”

“It woke you up?” he asked.

“Yeah, it was horrible.”

“Well, it was only a dream. Are ye staying up or going back to bed?” he asked, glancing at the clock on the wall behind me.” It’s only half past five.”

“I think I’ll just stay up.”

“Then I’ll make ye a wee cup of tea.”

I was in the living room, reading, when the phone rang. I instinctively looked at the clock and got up to answer the phone.



“Oh, morning Jon.”

“Sorry to ring so early but I’m at work and a cracking car came in over the weekend that I think is perfect for you.”

I stifled a yawn. “How much is it?”

“Eleven hundred.”

“I only have a thousand pounds to spend.”

“I know, but I think you should come and see it, I expect it’ll be snapped up soon. Can you come today?”

“Today? No, sorry, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not in the mood for trekking about on tubes and trains.”

“The sooner you get a car the sooner you’ll be done with public transport.”

“I know but I still can’t come today.”

“Then how about tomorrow?” he asked.

“I’ll think about it.”

“McGarr. This is no time for faffing about. I had one of the lads look it over and the mechanics look good. The price is decent and…”

“But I only have…”

“Don’t worry about the price, I’ll haggle for you. What time can you be here tomorrow?”

“I don’t know yet, I’ll ring tomorrow and let you know.”


“What do you mean no?” I asked.

“You’ll change your mind by then.”

After a quick pause, I said, “Ugh. You know me so well.”

“Commitment McGarr. I need a commitment so I can hold the car for you.”

“Ok, I’ll be there tomorrow.”

“What time?”


“What time?”

“Early afternoon.”

“What time?”

I let out a loud guttural sound, “Arrrrrrgggggghhhhh.”

He laughed. “I’ll be well impressed if you can do that again.”

“No way,” I croaked. “That hurt.”

“What time?”

“Two, I’ll be there at two.”

“Great, I’ll pick you up at the train station at two.”



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