May 4th, 1989
I’m aching for Ben and feel pissed off with him, all at the same time. Talk about confusing. He left for Spain almost two weeks ago and so far I haven’t heard a peep from him. I go downstairs every morning, hoping there’ll be something from him in the post but so far, zilch. At this point, even a crappy, generic postcard in his handwriting would be enough to keep me going until we at least talk. A not so small part of me is expecting a letter from him, saying it’s all over between us. That’s one letter I definitely don’t want to receive.
Went to visit Lou and her new baby girl, so sweet but no thanks! Being mum to a newborn looked absolutely exhausting and I can’t imagine ever having the energy or inclination to want to be in that situation. Lou said, “You should have a sprog before you’re twenty-five.”
I told her no way is that going to happen. Just the thought of pregnancy terrifies me but that’s only because mum has shared the horror story of my birth one too many times. When I told Lou that, she laughed and said, “You say that now but I guarantee you’ll change your mind.”
I think not.
Lou and I had a good laugh, reminiscing about our days in the lawyer’s office. Oh how I hated the monotonous nature of that job but the friends I made there made it all worthwhile. Lou isn’t sure if she wants to go back to work or not. She seems very content being at home with her gorgeous baby, little Natkin.
Went to Willen Lake for a walk this evening with mum and dad. Unfortunately, my mind kept wandering to thoughts of Ben and that perhaps he might be ringing while I was out.
Of course deep down I knew that probably wasn’t the case but just the thought of it was distracting enough to make me want to come home much sooner than mum and dad wanted to.
Lou has Natkin. JoJo is pregnant and I don’t even know if I still have a boyfriend!