August 25th, 1989

August 25th, 1989

At home

Friday night (they roll round fast) around nine and I just got home from Simon and Sarah’s. Didn’t expect to be home this early but Sarah kept getting onto Simon about stuff I perceived to be trivial. At one point she lost her temper and screamed so loud, I instinctively covered my ears.

It can get interesting watching your friends interact with their boyfriend/girlfriend. I’ve often thought that if I were to find myself on the receiving end of such, I’d no longer choose to be friends but really, who am I to talk?

Received a lovely letter this afternoon from Mr. LA himself. The way David describes where he lives makes me want to go there even more. I wonder if, because of his letters, it’ll feel familiar or be completely different to how I envisage it.

If David were here how would I feel about him? I know that if Ben showed up on the doorstep right now I would want him, just like I always have. Mr. LA is a whole different kettle of fish but if the next time we meet is anything like it was in Delhi, we might be onto something. Plus, I’m really enjoying his phone calls and love receiving his letters.

One side of me wants to tell Ben, “Yes! Let’s get back together.” The other side of me wants to mess him around in the hopes of getting some kind of revenge for splitting up with me, but what purpose would that serve? It might make me feel better (if only for a second) but it’s just not me and I wouldn’t like myself for acting in that way. Oh my, oh my, what’s a girl to do?

After Sarah split up with “The Love Of Her Life,” she sobbed for what seemed like months on end. She was truly heartbroken and I honestly didn’t imagine she’d get involved with anyone else for a long time. And then Simon showed up. Now they live together and will get married, I expect, in the next year or so.

Thinking about that is helping me to see things in a different light. Ben has been a huge part of my life since I was sixteen, so it’s no wonder we share a special bond that may or may not always remain.

When it comes to my friends and my job I feel fulfilled and satisfied so maybe I shouldn’t get so caught up thinking about how it might be when Ben comes home. I only want to be with him if I feel it’s going to be really good between us. Like it used to be. A long time ago.

Or maybe it won’t work out and I’ll fall in love with someone else. Up until now, I haven’t given much thought to the possibility of that but I think I could fall in love again.

Of course I could!

 

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