October 6th, 1989

October 6th, 1989

At home

I just made the mistake of reading Ben’s letter again and now I’m crying (again!) Ugh! Will there ever come a time when he doesn’t affect me, get to me, infuriate me, hold my attention and occupy my head (and heart) space?

It’s been four months since I left Spain, feeling utterly broken hearted. In some ways I feel better than I did back then but then there are other times (like now for example) when it seems I’m back at square one, where the pain of missing him is still raw. I guess I was expecting that with some time and distance, that pain would completely diminish. Seems I was wrong.

Of course in that time I haven’t exactly been sitting at home sniffling! I mean, let’s face it, I’ve had some incredible experiences recently, not to mention meeting David.

Ah, David. The guy who possesses many of the traits I typically find appealing, all rolled into one person who happens to live six thousand miles away. I keep thinking if Ben and David were to appear at the door right now, how would I feel? Who would I turn to? Deep inside, I know the answer and I’m pretty sure it’s the wrong one, but I can’t help how I feel.

Getting back to today; I met Jojo as planned, at the city centre. Pregnancy really suits her and it’s so nice to see her looking so radiant with her huge bump. We went shopping for baby clothes, which was really sweet. I enjoyed holding the teeny tiny clothes, that in another couple of months, the baby will be wearing. When I told Jojo her baby is already lucky to have such wonderful parents, she started crying. The result of pregnancy hormones running rampant apparently!

I’d arranged to meet mum at The Point to go to the pictures but she didn’t show up so I rang home. Mum eventually answered the phone and said she fell asleep, but to be honest I think she’s starting to crash again. I really, really hope I’m wrong but I’ve lived with her long enough to know the warning signs, plus we’re almost at that time of year. Hopefully tomorrow will be a nice day and we can go out for a long walk, I know that’s something mum really enjoys.

Thought about going home but I ended up going to see “Cookie,” with Emily Watson and her atrocious American accent. Regardless, the film was entertaining and amusing and passed some time on a shitty weather day.

After that, I got my hair done then ruined it on my way to the car when I got caught in a downpour. I do like what Tracy did with it though. I guess when all else fails there’s still hope as long as your hair looks good!

Where would a girl be without her hairdresser?


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