November 2nd, 1989

November 2nd, 1989

At home

A lengthy letter arrived in this morning’s post, from David. I read and reread it over tea and toast and after doing so, I felt a bit more hopeful about the prospect of seeing him again. David always mentions where he’s going and notes down his itinerary. Towards the end of this month he’ll be in Tokyo and asked if I could request a trip so we could meet there! I wrote back and said it’s too late for me to request a trip but I shall remain hopeful that now standby is over, I might get rostered something great like a trip to LA (or Tokyo!)

It was a lovely, sunny day and I tried to coax mum out of bed but she wasn’t having any of it. I planned on talking to dad tonight about mum’s condition, but that didn’t happen either.

By this afternoon, I was bored out of my skull. The first person I rang was Pamsy. Her mum said she was on a day flight to Palma and wouldn’t be home until tonight.

“When can we expect to see you again?” her mum asked.

“I’m not sure. My mum hasn’t been feeling very well so I think it’s best I stay close to home for now.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Hopefully your mum will be better soon.”

“I’m sure she will be,” I lied.

Mum was still asleep so I drove up to the city centre. When I came out of John Lewis, I spotted Ben and Mandy (I assume it was her) strolling, hand in hand, ahead of me. I felt my breathing quicken and I thought I might keel over.

Mandy has blondish hair and looked thin (ugh!) She was wearing a tacky looking fuchsia puffy jacket that I wouldn’t be seen dead in. Even from a distance I could sense Ben’s smug expression and when he turned to her and stole a kiss, I stopped in my tracks. In that moment, I utterly despised him in a way I never thought possible.

I cried in my car for ages and by the time I got home, I was in a right state. As was mum. I found her in the kitchen, swaying and slurring her words and I was so upset I blurted out the first thing that came into my head; “I think it’s time for you to go into hospital, mum.”

As soon as I uttered the words, mum’s face became contorted and she lost her temper. We ended up in a screaming match and were still at it when dad got home from work.

He took one look at the two of us and it seemed obvious that with his nerves so frayed, he couldn’t handle anymore.

Mum cried while she told dad what I had said and he didn’t look at me when he reassured mum that she won’t be going to hospital.

I want my normal mum back.

And my old boyfriend. The one who used to love me and only me.


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