November 4th, 1989

November 4th, 1989

At home

I must absolutely, positively stop eating! I finally got up the courage to step on the scale this morning and I weigh four ounces less than nine stone (125lb’s, ugh!) I think if I could stop feeling so sad about everything, I’d eat less but when will that happen?

Mum surfaced this afternoon and of course the second I saw her coming down the stairs, I envisioned a lovely, long walk with her and lots of chat along the way. I sat at the kitchen table pretending to write, but I was more focused on watching mum. She moved slowly around the kitchen as though it was her first time there. We exchanged a few words but she seemed really out of it and within ten minutes she was back in bed.

Dad came home from grocery shopping, laden with all sorts of goodies that I will miss eating! He asked if I had any plans for tonight and I didn’t, until Sebastian rang and asked if I fancied going to a Guy Fawkes party with him.

Last time I saw Stephen, I asked if he minded me keeping in touch with his ex. He pretended to be outraged but I know he was joking, so, with that in mind, I agreed to go. Plus, I couldn’t bear the thought of another miserable Saturday night, stuck at home.

It took forty minutes to drive to Sebastian’s but only because I got a bit lost. It was lovely to see him again and we immediately started talking ten to the dozen, in between which we cracked up laughing over how much there was to catch up on.

Sebastian said the party was at his friend Tracy’s house, which was only a ten-minute walk, lucky for us because there was absolutely nowhere to park. I thought we were going to a small gathering in somebody’s living room but the party was outside, complete with a raging bonfire.

I was surprised to find out Tracy is, in fact, not a girl, but a gorgeous guy, with an even better looking boyfriend, called Mason. They were both absolutely lovely and made me feel really welcome. Mason is cabin crew for Monarch but really wants to join British Airways, so we had much to talk about while we stood by the bonfire.

Right before midnight, another gorgeous creature passed around baked potatoes slathered in beans and coleslaw (my last meal, sob sob) and a few of the other party guests set off fireworks. Sebastian joked that it was all very romantic, which it really was.

“Moments like this make me miss Stephen,” he sighed.

“Aw, sorry you’re feeling like that.”

“Don’t worry,” he joked, “The feeling will soon pass.”

I laughed. “He’s a handful, that’s for sure.”

“Such a great guy though.”
“He really is. This is all right up his alley, don’t you think?” I asked, looking around at the throng of people around us, some of whom were dancing.

Sebastian nodded yes and gave me a questioning look. “So?”
“So what?” I asked.

“Who do you miss in moments like this?”

“No-one,” I lied.

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