December 9th, 1989

December 9th, 1989
At home

Granda remains in hospital in stable condition and dad decided not to go to Scotland. He feels mum is, “far too fragile to be left alone,” and he wouldn’t hear of me trying to get time off to take care of mum in his absence. And as dad pointed out, “I’ve plenty of family to keep an eye on my da.”

David rang tonight and I have to say it was the most awkward chat we’ve ever had. He just received my letter explaining why I didn’t make it to Japan and was ringing to say he was sorry to hear about Nana. I felt like he was going through the motions when he said he wanted to offer his condolences and for some reason it put me in a foul mood. I’m not the best at hiding my annoyance or feelings of dismay and I doubt it went unnoticed.

“Where are you headed next?” David asked.
I yawned. “I’m off to New York tomorrow.”
“That’s too bad.”
“Why do you say that?”
“If I’d known, I could have met you there.”
“That’s mental.”
He laughed. “Is mental good?”
“It just means that would be mad, especially given the distance.”
“New York’s probably halfway between London and LA, kind of a perfect meeting point.”
“Not this time it isn’t.”

There didn’t seem much left to say so I made an excuse that I had to go and hung up. Of course later tonight, I felt awful about how petty I’d been, so much so in fact that I was tempted to ring David back and apologize.

Instead, I rang Ben and half an hour later, I picked him up. We went to our favourite Indian restaurant in Stony Stratford and laughed over the silliest things. I had such a good time with him and since I got home I’ve been thinking about the difficulty associated with a long distance relationship with, for example, someone like David.

David is without doubt, a great guy, but at some point, somebody in the long distance relationship would have to give up their life and move to be with the other person.

Maybe I should wait until I get to LA to see how I feel about David when I actually get to see him in his own surroundings. We’ve yet to do that. If I get there and decide I love it and want to spend more time with him, then what? And why am I thinking so far ahead when I ought to be enjoying getting to know a lovely guy who makes a huge effort to keep in touch with me?

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