May 8th, 1990

May 8th, 1990

At home

This is the first time I haven’t seen Ben on my days off.

I think I’m almost there with him and by that, I mean I feel it’s time for me to move on and experience life and love with someone else.

Maybe the reason Ben and I keep/kept falling into our old patterns was purely because we live in the same place and never really allowed ourselves to make a clean break. It’s so easy to come home and pick up the phone and see him in the way we’ve always done but the reality is our lives are going in different directions.

I’ve been thinking that regardless of what happens with David, perhaps the reason he came into my life is to show me that I really can survive without Ben. Maybe this “thing” with David will be fleeting. Or maybe we’ll end up married, living happily ever after.

 

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