June 10th, 1991
Flight from ANU – LHR
The flight home feels much longer than the one over, possibly due to the fact I was exhausted from more or less walking from Bangkok to London before boarding yet another flight!
I’m leaving the island with what I can only describe as disappointment and a feeling of despondency. After last night’s tiff, I sensed a change in William I didn’t like, in the way he became withdrawn and began focusing heavily on packing, fretting over all sorts of what I felt to be insignificant stuff (like checking his bag every few minutes to make sure his passport hadn’t grown legs and walked away, I mean, seriously!)
I tend to react to whatever’s in front of me so if you’re happy I’m happy and if you’re being annoying, well, you get the picture. It got to the point where I was so agitated, I went to bed, hoping William would follow because I knew the bedroom would be the perfect place to iron out the creases before he left first thing for an early flight to Boston.
However, I fell asleep and only woke up when William’s alarm shrilled. He didn’t seem at all fazed by the uncertainty of not knowing when we’ll see each other again, as witnessed by his nonchalant goodbye before he got in the taxi for the airport.
I couldn’t go back to sleep so I got up and wrote for ages, after which I felt slightly better, until Scott appeared. Over breakfast on the terrace, Scott shared something with me about William he thought I already knew. He was shocked when I told him this was the first I’d heard of it and apologized profusely, asking me to promise not to bring it up with William.
There’s no way I’ll be able to keep my mouth shut and not confront William but goodness knows when I’ll get the opportunity to do that, so until then, I’m going to think seriously about where I want our relationship to go.