June 26th, 1990

June 26th, 1990

At home

Such a difference in the weather between the heat and humidity we left in New York and the drizzly day we arrived to at Gatwick airport.

Rang Pamsy for a general catch up, plus I wanted to find out how her birthday celebrations went.

“It was lovely,” she said. “We had so much food.”

“I could devour some yummy barbeque stuff right now, I’m starving.”

“Me too,” she laughed. “How was New York?”

“It was great. I flew with some really nice girls that I’ll attempt to keep in touch with but you know how that goes.”

“Good intentions and all that.”

Exactly. There’s just never enough time is there? I can’t even remember the last time we got together.”

“I know, it’s mental, we really do need a proper catch up soon.”

“Well, when I move into my new house you can come and stay.”

“How exciting, I’ll love that. Hey, did you see your New York friend? I can never remember his name.”

“Yes, Christopher. Saw him on both legs of the trip, in fact I had lunch with him in Central Park yesterday.”

“Aw, that sounds lovely. How is he?”

“He’s great, he’s always great, that’s just the kind of person he is and uh, it was strange, you know I’ve never fancied him, right?”

“No, he’s just a friend, isn’t he?”

“Hmmm, I can’t explain it but I kind of saw him in a different light.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know him so well and we always have a such a lovely time together and I always think of him in a friend only kind of way but something changed yesterday.”

“How so?”

“At one point, I looked at him and saw how attractive he is, so much so that I felt I wanted to kiss him.”

“The plot thickens.”

“It does actually but not in the way you’d expect.”

“Ooh,” Pamsy cooed. “Go on.”

“He’s in love.”

“With you?”

“No, no, no, not with me, with some girl called Lori he met whilst playing tennis.”

“Ugh, a fittie.”

I laughed. “Not exactly our cup of tea.”

“Not even. So, will you see him again or not?”

“I don’t know. If she’s the possessive type she won’t want him hanging around a girl that shows up every so often.”

“Especially one that wants to kiss him.”

“I think that was just the humidity getting to me.”

Pamsy laughed. “Eh, I don’t think so, I think you just realized you like him, more so since it sounds like you’re too late.”

I sighed. “Why does it always have to be like that?”

“Human nature,” she stated. “We always want what we can’t have.”


June 25th, 1990

June 25th, 1990

Night flight from JFK – LGW

Winging our way home after a great trip and an interesting day in NYC.

After breakfast with Jane and Caroline, we rang Amanda.

“Go away,” she groaned.

“How was your evening with Issac?”

“Ridiculously late.”

“Anything else we need to know?”

“I need to sleep,” she said, hanging up.

“She had better spill the beans on the crew bus,” Jane said, making us laugh.

Left the girls and moseyed up to Central Park to meet Christopher. He was actually a little late, which is very unusual for him.

“Hi,” he said kissing my cheek. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Is everything ok?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “It’s all good.”

“Did you get lost?”

He nodded his head. “Crazy, huh? I’ve lived here my entire life but this is my first time here in this area of the park.”

“Tut, tut, tut,” I teased. “You need to broaden your horizons.”

He laughed. “I had to call my Father, who of course wanted to know why I needed to be here.” “Did you tell him?”

“I did,” he smiled.

“You better stick with me so you don’t get lost again. Here you go,” I said, passing him a sandwich. “I got you a Rueben.”

“Cool, thanks. Man, that’s heavy.”

“Try carrying it all the way through the park in this heat,” I laughed.

“What’d you get? Let me guess, a turkey avocado?”

“How did you know that?”

He tapped his finger to his temple and I tried not to react to the way he carefully unwrapped the wax paper but of course I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut!

“It’s not a birthday present, Christopher! Oh, and I got you a Snapple,” I said, passing the drink to him.

“I’m a little scary, huh?”

“Not at all. You’re just being, what shall we say? Particular. You’re just being particular.”

“Or a pain in the ass,” he said, twisting the top off the bottle. “You want some?”

“No thanks, I have vodka,” I said, trying to keep a straight face.

He cracked up laughing. “Is that because I’m a pain in the ass?”

“You are not a pain. You’re really great company,” I said, taking an ample bite of my sandwich.

“Thanks you,” he said, with a smile that for the first time ever, I found utterly attractive. So much so in fact that my stomach did a little churning movement which I’m not attributing to hunger.

“So,” I said, promptly averting my gaze. “Are you seeing anyone?”

His resounding, “Yes,” took me by surprise.

“Oh really, who?”

“Her name is Lori.”

“When did this happen?” I said, hoping my tone didn’t reflect my feeling.

“Not long ago but it’s moving pretty fast.”


“Yeah, she’s pretty cool.”

“What does she look like?”

He perched his drink on his knee. “She’s blond. About your height. Brown eyes,” he said, looking at me. “A real sweetheart.”

“What else?” I asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

“She’s kinda like you.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, it’s funny,” he said, his eyes moving toward the fountain. “I never thought of it before but yeah, she’s like the American version of you. With longer hair.”

“You should run while you can!”

“No way, no way,” he laughed. “She’s awesome and so easy to get along with, I really like hanging out with her.”

“I’m so happy to hear this,” I said, not entirely sure if I meant it or not.  “You never tell me anything like this.”

“There’s been nothing to tell.”

“But now there is! How did you meet Lori?”

He laughed and shook his head.

“What? Was it in some seedy and sordid way?” I teased.

“Do you consider playing tennis seedy and sordid?”

“Of the worst kind,” I laughed.

Ah, Christopher, sounds to me like game, set and match.


June 23, 1990

June 23rd, 1990

Chester Grosvenor Hotel, England

I’m really enjoying this trip. Having even just a few people on the crew you want to spend time with makes all the difference.

After last night’s food fest, I didn’t meet up with the girls until this afternoon, which gave me plenty of time to ring Pamsy and wish her happy birthday.

“Saturday is most perfect day of the week to turn twenty-four!”

“Yes it is,” she laughed. “How’s the weather up North?”

“It’s been nice, looks sunny again today.”

“Aw, I wish you were here to enjoy the barbeque later. We have sooo much food.”

“Have a sausage for me,” I laughed.


Went to Muswells with the girls and bumped into Martin, a guy I did a night stop Detroit with a while back.

“Lady Caroline,” he said, kissing my cheek. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“Oh, I’d forgotten about Lady Caroline. How are you Martin?”

“Really well, thanks. This is my partner, Michael.”

“How do you do,” I said, shaking Michael’s hand.

Amanda pulled out a chair and Michael made himself comfortable.

“What are you girls up to?” Martin said.

“We wanted to go and see the film about the prostitute who goes shopping in Beverly Hills but it was sold out.”

He let out a hearty laugh. “You mean Pretty Woman?”

I nodded my head yes. “So instead, we’re here deciding what to do.”

“Come clubbing with us!”

“Call is early tomorrow morning…”

“New York?”


“Love it. My fav American city. Are they a nice bunch?” he said quietly, gesturing towards the girls and Michael who seemed to fit right in.

“They’re all lovely, yeah, really nice.”

Martin looked at his watch. “It’s still a bit early for clubbing but we can make our way there after a few more drinks. You can be Lady Caroline again.”

“No, no, no, she’s out,” I laughed. “I have a new one.”

“Oh, what’s her name?”

“Madison Frazer.”


June 22nd, 1990

June 22nd, 1990

Chester Grosvenor Hotel, England

It’s been a lovely day here in the North of England, both weather and enjoyment wise. And now I’m feeling rather stuffed after a delicious dinner and cocktails-a-plenty at a restaurant called Mamma Mia, located within walking distance of the hotel.

Landed in Manchester just after six this morning which meant plenty of time to sleep before meeting up with the girls tonight. In the interim, I rang mum, who I expected would want to dissect every detail about New York but that wasn’t the case because we ended up talking about Granda. Apparently, he isn’t doing well so dad will be heading to Scotland tomorrow to spend a few days with him. Poor Granda, he’s such a great character, I hope he’ll be alright.

Did a bit of shopping with the girls then we went to see a film called “Revenge,” that I really didn’t like as much as the others, but we were in agreement that Madeleine Stowe in indeed very beautiful. Amanda was drooling over Kevin Costner which is amusing, given the fact she continually mentions her dislike of the male species!

I love this hotel, it’s very elegant and the rooms are beautifully decorated but the best part is the bathroom and the giant bath that I think I might be lowering myself into sooner rather than later. It is, after all, only midnight!


June 7th, 1990

June 7th, 1990

At home

Picked mum up at LHR this morning and I swear I could make that drive with my eyes shut (not recommended!) I could tell right away that mum’s visit to Scotland to see Granda had taken a toll on her, poor thing, she’s really upset. Apparently Granda has lost a lot of weight and is very confused.

Mum said she was exhausted and went to bed so I took Tini for a lovely long walk then I made a pot of tea and spent most of the afternoon on the phone.

Carl – Can’t believe it’s been so long since we last chatted. Told him about showing up unannounced on David’s doorstep (was that really only last month?) in LA, when he thought the letter I’d written was to tell him I’m pregnant. After Carl stopped laughing, he said, “You’re not in the pudding club, are you?” Eh, no! I filled him in on the Antigua trip which he suggested we request together.
“Sorry, I can’t go back there.”

“Why not?”

“I met a guy who’s stationed there under false pretenses.”

Carl laughed. “Did you tell him you’re quiet and innocent?”

“No, cheeky, I did not.”

“What’d you tell him then?”

“That my name is Madison Frazer and…”

Carl was laughing so hard I had to wait before telling him the rest.

“Oh sis, you really are too much, that’s brilliant.”

“So now I have to avoid the entire island.”

“What if you get called out on standby for an Antigua?”

“Shit, I never thought of that.”

“Well if it happens, you’ll have to spend two weeks holed up in the hotel or hope that, what’s his name again?”


“Or hope that Willy isn’t…”

“It’s William, not Willy.”

“And hope that William has left the island.”


May 18th, 1990

May 18th, 1990

At home

I was in the kitchen tonight with mum and dad, looking through some brochures I picked up at a model home in Willen Park, when the phone rang.

“Just leave that,” mum said, waving her hand dismissively.

We (mum and I, not dad!) continued with the oohs and ahhhs, as we flicked through the glossy pages of nicely appointed homes, until a few minutes later when the phone rang again.
“Let me see who that is,” I said, heading into the hall. “And I’ll phone them back.”


“Hey you,” said the all too familiar voice, as my heart deceived me with the little flutter movement.

“Oh, hi Ben, how are you?”

Through the glass wall mum mouthed, “Who is it?”

I mouthed back, “Ben.”

Mum turned to dad and said something that, from the movement of her head, looked disapproving.

“Great, really great.”

“How’s your training going?” I asked.

“It’s good, nice bunch and all that.”

I plopped down in the phone chair. “Excellent, it really helps, especially when the training gets harder.”

“Which I expect will be next week. Listen, I was wondering what you’re up to this weekend.”

“Ehm, this weekend like tomorrow you mean or next weekend?”

He laughed. “Tomorrow.”

The little voice in my head urged, “Don’t do it,” and for once, I listened.

“This weekend is going to be really busy for me.”

“Oh,” he said, his tone flat.

“Don’t volunteer any other information,” the little voice whispered, but this time I ignored it.

“Yeah, sorry, I’ve got a bunch of things to do and I might have a friend from BA coming to visit or maybe stay over and I also have several appointments set up to look at houses so as you can  tell, this weekend is just going to be absolutely hectic.”

The little voice said something like, “You’re lucky I don’t have legs, otherwise I’d kick you right now.”

“Phew,” Ben said, with a little whistle. “You sound really busy.”

“Yes, yes,” I stuttered. “Busy. Really, really busy. But eh, why were you asking?”

“I was thinking of coming home for the weekend. There’s not much going on around here and most of the people I’m training with head home on the weekends.”

“Oh, right. So, are you still coming back?”

Please say yes, please say yes.

“Nah, doesn’t seem much point. I’ll stick it out and come back next weekend. Will you be around then?”

“No, I won’t actually.”


I’ll be in Antigua.


April 12th, 1990

April 12th, 1990

At home

Depending on how jet lagged I feel, I’m either up when the first post arrives, on my way to bed or still asleep. This morning I was awake but still in bed when mum came into my room waving a postcard and an airmail envelope.

“Lookie lookie, lookie,” she said, slowly stepping towards me.

I couldn’t help but laugh, not only at her expression but the way in which she said it.

I sat up. “What does it say?”

“Just that Delhi is very…”

“Oh, so you already read the postcard and did you steam open the letter as well?”

“Uff, I wouldnae go that far,” she said, trying not to smile.

“Gimme that,” I laughed, pretending to yank the postcard out of her hand.


Ben rang this afternoon and asked if I wanted to go to The Barn for dinner. I could tell the minute he got into the car that something was bothering him but I waited a few minutes before asking if he was ok.

“I just got off the phone with Mandy.”

“Uh-oh, I’m guessing from your tone that it wasn’t a lovey dovey chat.”

He made a little disgruntled sound. “She hung up on me.”


“She’s totally pissed off that I got the job as cabin crew with Virgin. She doesn’t want me to take it.”

I didn’t know how to respond so I kept quiet.

“I mean, I understand why she isn’t thrilled with the fact I’ll be away a lot of the time but this is something I really want to do.”

Again, I waited.

“She’s under the impression that I’ll be shagging everything that moves.”

I looked at him with raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, I know,” he continued. “My track record isn’t exactly stellar but I really would like to make a go of it with her.”

“And yet,” I uttered, in an exaggerated tone.

“Shit,” he laughed. “Let’s talk about something else. Tell me what I’m in for in the wonderful world of flying.”

The time of his life. That’s what he’s in for.


April 11th, 1990

April 11th, 1990

At home

Just got home from spending the entire day with Ben, who rang first thing this morning.

“Hey you.”

“Morning,” I yawned. “You’re up early.”

“Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“Yeah but that’s ok. What’re you up to?”

“Just seeing what you’re doing today?”

“I’d planned on looking at some houses but that can wait.”

“Come and pick me up?”

“Ok, but first I need some tea and toast.”


When Ben got into my car my heart did that little flutter thing and when he leaned over and kissed my cheek, I felt tingly all over.

“You’re looking very lovely and Spring like,” he said in a cheerful tone.

“Thanks,” I replied, smoothing down my top. “I just bought this in the States.”

“Suits you.”

“Merci,” I said, pulling away in first gear. “Where should we go?”

“Willen Lake?”

“Ooh, perfect on such a nice day.”

“We can have a picnic.”

“Great idea,” I said, rounding the corner.

“A boozy picnic.”

I laughed. “Even better.”


After gorging on bread, cheese, grapes and apricots (so juicy at the moment!) we wandered around the lake, full of wine, laughing about all sorts of silly things before Ben changed the tone of our conversation.

“How’s lover boy?”

“His name is David,” I stated.

“And how is David?”

“Well, when I saw him in New York he was fantastic, so I imagine he’s still the same.”

“Arghhhhhh,” he shrieked, shaking his head.
“Really? Is that your response?”

“Sorry, you just seem really into him.”
“I am.”

“And yet here we are.”

I sighed. “Yes, here we are.”

Ben stopped walking, brushed his fingers over my shoulder then squeezed it. “Do you think things will ever change between us?”

I turned to face him. “I don’t know if the feelings will ever change but the circumstances will.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.
“At some point, I expect we’ll get married.”

“To each other?”

“No,” I said quietly.

“Makes me sad too,” he said, wiping away my tear. “Sometimes I don’t know how we got to this, you know?”

I nodded yes and kissed his salty finger.


We walked without talking for a few minutes ‘til Ben broke the silence.

“I have something to tell you.”


“You have to guess what it is.”

“I’m not in the mood for guessing,” I said. “Just tell me.”

“I heard back from Virgin Atlantic.”

I stopped in my tracks. “And?”

“I got the job!”


April 6th, 1990

April 6th, 1990
Flight from LHR – IAD
Sheraton Hotel, Washington, DC

Just as I was getting ready to leave this morning, my new roster arrived in the post.

I finally, finally, finally have a four day LA! Arghhh, it’s all I could think about all the way across the Atlantic. Wish I could ring David with th good(understatement!) news but he’s still in Delhi.

I wonder how much weight I can lose in a few weeks!